


I am Natsuki Subaru...

by WannabeSubaru



Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:28:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29221695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WannabeSubaru/pseuds/WannabeSubaru
Summary: Subaru comes back from a terrible loop and tries to assure everyone's safety and stop the outcome of the previous loop so it never occurs again.
Kudos: 27





	I am Natsuki Subaru...

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Mohamedasemabas for always giving me the inspiration to write.

How could this happen...” the boy whispered his last words before bleeding to death.

The only thing he could think about before his last breath. “where did I go wrong?” 

Natsuki Subaru died…

His eyes had opened to see the new world before him. Graceful and beautiful he considered. Yet the boy trembled, he was frightened by his failure to save them.

“It hurts… why? stop…” Subaru roared in agony. He shivered in the bed of the mansion. Shaking… trembling… crying…

“Barusu” a familiar pink-haired oni, called out to him. she gazed upon him with a look of concern and worry.

“Ram?...” he whimpered as his tears rolled down the side of his cheek. He pulled over the blankets to sit up suitably, he lifted himself upward as he was standing before her. “Baru-” she asserted to the boy once more in front of her. Before being stopped by him as he enclosed his arms around her waist.

“Ram… Ram. I was so scared. I don't want to see you like that ever again… ”Subaru cried in her arms as he spoke.

“Stupid Barusu.” she coldly mumbled, concealing her faint smile.

“Ram…” he whispered out her name as he sobbed. She could only hold him closer to show him comfort. She wiped the few tears off the side of his cheek as she untangled herself from his grasp, she positioned herself alongside the entrance of the door.

“Barusu, Rem will be waiting for you in the kitchen once you attend to your duties for the day.” She motioned herself outside the door with a faint smile. He could merely stare as she wandered her way past the door.

Subaru pondered on his thoughts...he didn't want them to die… never again… ”well I should be preparing for the day.” he murmured to himself.  
He walked toward the closet which had his daily set of clothes. He motioned his hands to the closet handle as he opened the closet, he could see the well-formed butler outfit that he had rather grown close with, The nostalgic feeling that his butler outfit gave. Reminded him of the   
the first day he had met with the mansion's residents.

With a determined expression, he uttered, “All I can do is make sure that it never happens…”

“I should hurry, I don't want to keep Rem waiting,” the boy complained to himself.

He motioned himself towards the entrance of his room. Opening his door once more he commenced his stroll to the kitchen. “I wonder what Rem is doing.” he thought to himself as he wandered closer to the kitchen, walking the many halls, he came across a door that interested him.  
He walked toward the door as his hand slowly crept out from his right side to twist the handle opening the door. The boy could only smile at the sight before him.

“Hey Beako” an expression similar to a smile arose on his face.

“What do you need, I suppose,” Beatrice spoke coldly.

“Ahh, I just came to check up on you.” the boy said as he smiled warmly.

Subaru intruded into Beatrice's library, as usual, She wasn't very pleased when he did this. Yet she didn't mind it for today.

“Don’t you have anything better to do, I suppose.” She coldly voiced her annoyance.

“Yea, well I'm on my way to help Rem so I'll talk to you later.” his smile grew as he gazed upon the little girl before him. Backing his way out of the entrance. He once more commenced his stroll to the kitchen. As he walked getting closer towards the door of the kitchen. He could only breathe to relax once more. His hand grabbed the handle to open the entrance to the door before him he could see a blue-haired oni gazing at him.

“Subaru-kun” Rem giggled with a smile on her face.

“Hey Rem, I'll get right to cleaning dishes, sorry for being late.” the boy blushed at the beautiful girl in front of him. As he made his way to the counter. He could see the sink with plenty of dirty dishes. He soaked the dishes in the water as he started to scrub the plates. As time passed he had finished his duties in the kitchen.

“Well I'll be going now Rem, Ram doesn't want me wasting her time,” he mumbled with a smile.

“Goodbye Subaru-kun,” she asserted with a warm blush.

He started his long stride in the halls. “I wonder where Ram could be, I could try checking Roswaal’s office. the boy thought to himself. As he walked the long halls getting closer to the clown's office, he had managed to make it to the front door of the clown’s quarters as he twisted the handle to open the door once more.

“Subaru-kunnn do you neeed something?” the eerie smiling clown spoke.

Subaru didn't like talking to Roswaal but he needed to know where Ram was.

“Ros-chi I haven't been able to find Ram, do you know where she is?” Subaru pleaded calmly to the clown.

“Well yessss Subaru-kunnn, she is in the east wing sweeping the floors as I assigneddddd her to do so,” Roswaal announced to Subaru.

“Ahhh thank you I'll be on my way now.” The boy said waving his final goodbye.

The clown could only smile. “It seems Subaru-kunnnn is trying to take a different route than the gospel,” Roswaal uttered coldly as a smile appeared on his face. He had hoped that the boy wouldn't take a different route from the gospel. He didn’t want to get aggressive if he didn't have to after all.

The boy was heading his way towards the east wing of the mansion, he wanted to finish his duties so he could go see Emilia. He hadn't seen her all day as he pondered on his thoughts of Emilia. He was edging closer towards the east wing. Within seconds he could hear the distant sounds of a broom sweeping across the floor. He stepped closer to the room as he could see a pink-haired oni doing her duties.

“Hey, Ram.” The black-haired boy gently spoke with a smile arising from his face.

“Barusu what took you so long?.” She calmly told him with a hint of annoyance in her words.

“Sorry… I was busy with my other butler work,” he said with a sign.

“Well Barusu since you’re here, you can sweep,” She spoke coldly.

“Ahhh why? but Ram I just got here.” Subaru had voiced his complaints to the pink-haired maid. She could only look with more irritation.

“Barusu.” She quietly yelled at the black-haired boy that was standing beside her.

“Fine Ram” he spoke in an annoyed tone. Glancing a pout at the short oni close to him.

He grabbed the broom from her hand as he proceeded to sweep. He could only think about his day today. He was quiet as can be until he felt his body slowly slide to the side before he could know he was falling. “Ow dammit, why me?” he complained about the situation he was in.

“Hah!” She muttered as she took pity on the poor boy before her.

He looked up at her with a face of dissatisfaction “can you help me up, Ram?” he spoke with hope wondering if her kind side will show. 

“Clumsy Barusu” She mocked at him as her hand hid her smile as she seemingly started to giggle.

“I’ll take that as a no,” he spoke in a disappointed tone. Yet he knew she wouldn't help him but he still decided to ask anyway. He started to pick himself up slowly but surely he managed to get back on his feet within doing so he wiped off the wet stains of water on his clothes, He decided to initiate cleaning once more. As he swept the wet floors he could only think about the blue-haired oni that he had met a few hours ago.

“Hey, Ram, do you know where Rem went?” he asked curiously, waiting for an answer from the pink-haired maid.

“She has retired to her room for the day.” She spoke calmly to the boy with a bit of annoyance. “Barusu must have some intention to go talk to my sister.” She quietly mused to herself. Ram clicked her tongue “tch” she was annoyed that Barusu wanted to see her sister.

“Ahhh, thank you Ram” he gently smiled at her as he was finishing up cleaning the floors. As he finished he set down the broom, making his quick dash to Rem’s room he waved his hand goodbye to Ram. As she saw Subaru run off she could only stare at him till he was out of sight.

“Time to resume work.” she bitterly whispered.

*******  
Subaru was slowly walking towards the blue-haired oni’s room. The boy was delighted that he could finally spend time with Rem, he hadn't spoken to her since hours ago, He was close to her room as he continued to walk, He could notice he was merely only a few feet away from her door. The black-haired boy was a bit nervous as he closed in on her door.

Knock… Knock… 

“Rem?” He smiled as he spoke her name.

“Subaru-kun?!” Rem blushed as she was surprised that her beloved was here to see her. The door suddenly opened to reveal a beautiful blue-haired oni. He warmly smiled at her.

“Subaru-kun I’m delighted that you came to see Rem.” She warmly blushed while staring at the boy as she noticed his eyes were looking so deeply into hers. She was flushed with so much embarrassment.

“Well Subaru, you can come in now.” The blue-haired maid prompted the boy to make his way into her room, He followed along walking his way towards her bed so he could sit down. She didn't mind if he wanted to sit down on her bed after all.

“Subaru-kun, Rem will go prepare some tea for the both of us.” She smiled.

“Okay, Rem I'll just sit here and wait till you get back.” The boy uttered in front of the maid.

She smiled once more and proceeded to make her leave… 

He was Alone… 

He could finally let go of the foolish facade he had put on around his friends… 

“Rem… Why couldn't I save you? He started to tear up as he spoke…

He was weak… 

Pathetic… 

“Why… I just wanted to keep you alive Rem…” he started to break down in between his own words.

He wished he wasn't so weak… pathetic… The boy wished he could save her and his friends. He continued to sob in the cold quiet room. He didn't like seeing any of them upset. “I don't want to see my friends hurt… I don't want them to feel pain either… I'll protect them… I swear.” he uttered, determined to keep his friends alive and happy.

“Maybe I couldn't back then… But I have a chance to save her and the others now… I don't wanna fail like last time.” he quietly whispered to himself.

He was quite upset with himself… That he had failed to save them all… He wanted to do better for them… 

The boy could eventually hear the sound of footsteps near… Closer… Closer… Closer… Rem had shown herself at the front door.

“Subaru-kun are you okay? I heard weird noises.” The maid worriedly asked the black-haired boy.

“I'm fine Rem.” he smiled at the beautiful blue-haired oni in front of him. She must have heard my cries… “Was I that loud?” he whispered to himself once more. He ignored his sudden thought to focus on the girl amongst him.

“Well Subaru-kun Rem has brought us both tea.” Rem mumbled as she walked towards him with a plate holding two cups, She had set the plate down on her desk beside him.

“Thank you.” he gratefully accepted the cup of tea, she handed him a cup filled with dark-colored liquid inside. “You're good at making tea Rem, I wouldn't mind it if you would make me some more someday.” he smiled.

“Anytime Subaru-kun” she giggled as a blush arose from her face. She was lucky to have Subaru around, The maid always wanted to spend time with her beloved but her responsibilities had called for her to be busy, She was always so exceedingly delighted that he would come around to see her.

After a lovely discussion with a beautiful blue-haired girl. He decided to carry on back to his room and call it a day. He was far too tired after all,”Rem, I’ll be going now, I have to get back to my room.” He solemnly uttered with a faint smile, he wasn’t feeling well. He just wanted to sleep to get it all over with.

“Okay, Subaru-kun” she sat up and headed toward the door to open it for me, he thought over his current situation… “Subaru-kun?” she started to become worried when he didn't say anything back… 

“Sorry I was just focused on something,” he confessed awkwardly. 

“Oh okay Subaru-kun.” the maid asserted as she was worried for her beloved. “He doesn't seem to be feeling well.” she thought to herself.

He sat upward and proceeded to walk forward towards the door to make his haste leave.

“Goodbye Subaru-kun Rem will miss you.” the maid spoke calmly as the boy trotted his way outside of her door.

“Goodbye Rem, sleep well,” he mumbled under his breath. His heart felt as if it was sinking deeper into his body… 

“It’s getting late, I'm tired so I should get to bed quickly.” he softly spoke. He could only think of the people he had spoken to today Rem, Ram, Roswaal, and Beatrice. He couldn't find Emilia… His heart sank even deeper… Emilia he desperately called out… 

Emilia… 

I want to see you… 

He could only reminisce on the thoughts of the beautiful half-elf, “Emilia… i wish I could see you…” the boy wished he could see her. He could only think of her… She was his saving grace… So beautiful… So stunning… Her deep amethyst eyes would always catch his interest. 

He loved Emilia… 

He wanted to confess his love to her but it isn't the time for that… Not yet at least… 

All he could ever think about was Emilia… She saved him after all, the only person that was always there for him… The only person he truly ever had… 

He walked the cold endless halls, he could only think about Emilia… He was close to his room. Yet he only wanted to think of Emilia… He wanted to be close to her… anyway, he could only wish that his dream of being closer to her would come through eventually… 

He managed to reach his door after a long walk to his room. He opened the door to enter a cold room, “nothing better than being in your room.” he whispered as he walked towards the bed getting ready to take a nap, he changed his clothes to something more comfortable. “Well, time to get some sleep,” he spoke tiredly as he laid down on the bed, he could only think about his day… 

“You let them all die, Natsuki Subaru” the voice called out to him. 

“Why couldn't you save them?!” a certain voice roared at him within his mind. 

“You failure, I would kill you if I could right now.” the hatred brewing from one of the voices grew immensely.

The voices rang in the back of his head until he finally ignored them… He was too tired to deal with them…the day had passed, night had come upon the mansion. The residents were all asleep or either dealing with private matters. He finally fell asleep… 

Day 1 complete.


End file.
